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Pam, a Householder from Kent, talks to Jim Davis on BBC Radio about her insights into beating loneliness and her experiences of homesharing with Nicky.
So Pam if you wouldn't mind, starting us off. How often would you say you feel lonely?
Oh, oh well. You see, I had a very happy marriage. So when my husband died last year. I became bereft really, I didn't know what to do, as much, so I feel lonely pretty well all the time. Because if something happens I think I must tell him. Of course, he's not there. So, I do feel lonely, most of the time.
I decided I must do something about my loneliness. And I looked about, and it was through my Daughter really who happened to see it in an article in the Sunday paper, about something called Share my Home Homeshare.
And tell us about homesharing Pam.
It's really very simple, very little money changes hands, I'd pay the person nothing and I get somebody who will come and live with me and talk to me and we can have a laugh. And she shares my home. I had the most wonderful, wonderful companion called Nicky. And she shared my home for just over a year.
She goes to work, you go about your business, but she comes and goes, you know, goes to work comes back for work. Naturally, due of Covid she had to work from home, because she couldn't go to work. We're not intrusive and we don't live in each other's pockets. And it was the most wonderful arrangement. In exchange, because no money changes hands, she had to sort of give me a few hours’ worth of something. She used to prepare my evening meal, that was the sort of thing we used to do. I mean, other people have different things. But it worked for me, it worked for me brilliantly. And now of course she's had to go because she's; she was saving up to buy her own property.
What was it like having another soul in the house again after having lost your husband?
Well, of course, the first month of having somebody in the house is always strange getting to know somebody, getting to know their habits and what they like. And we know what makes them tick. But no, it worked. It worked well. We've got to know each other's background, she was terribly keen on genealogy, you know, the family tree and all that, and she got to know all about my family and I know all about hers.
And what would be your top tip for tackling loneliness?
Very much the same you know….communication communication! This is why Share my Home, really, fitted my bill and I did begin to join things, you know I joined various two or three different associations and then of course COVID puts the kibosh on that. So, do that. But, you know, some people, and reach out to people as Nicky says, you know there everybody really or a lot of people are in the same boat, and perhaps they don't like to say so but yeah they would welcome a friendly, a friendly voice.
Jim Davis talks about the acuteness of loneliness felt during the pandemic and says ‘In the week just after the clocks went back in November, we saw Britain's highest levels of acute loneliness recorded. This year, the Office for National Statistics (ONS) figures suggested that back at the start of November, as the dark evenings kicked in, about 8% of adults stated they always or often lonely. That's about 4.2 million people across the country. This was the peak in this measure of loneliness since the first lockdown back in March. Just to compare figures also show that 5% of adults that represents 2.6 million had not left their home for any reason, in the previous seven days. That's staggering isn't it. And just so you can put that into context the issue of course has been thoroughly amplified over Christmas but the impact of coronavirus as pre-pandemic. Studies show, it was only about 5% of adults regularly feel lonely that's about 2.6 million people, nearly doubled as a result of COVID, the number of people who feel that acute loneliness. But, interestingly, there was research revealed that young people are particularly likely to feel cut off with 16 to 29 year olds twice as likely as the over 70 to be experiencing loneliness during the pandemic. And that surprised me. So tonight, what I want to do as I said was to try and understand loneliness from every perspective every age perspective.’
As featured on the Jim Davis radio show in this three part series on ‘Beating Loneliness’ aired on BBC London and BBC Local Channels on 28 December 2020 10pm or listen on BBC Sounds play back.
Share my Home is a nationwide service that matches older householders with younger companions for the mutual benefits of shared living. A householder offers their spare room to the younger person in exchange for 10 -15 hours per week of company and practical help around the home.